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[Holds up a tissue box] People are going to think we spend the whole time wanking. This is the sort of thing people do when they're having a good time.)Jez: What I mean is that they should be more honest. But that's so fraught with potential problems.)Mark: (Yeah, you won't be so cocky Jeff, when I come into the office with a Kalashnikov and 200 rounds of ammunition. But can't we take the best of that--the nice music, the colors, the I Have A Dream, et cetera--but not have to face the ... Jez: He's not a mature student, he's been a loan manager for the last five years. Light, not slimey, ohhh can't retract the wink...unless...[winks a few times]) See you (Brilliant - the twitching freak, works every time)Mark: It was good to see you in Gino's. Next time I have acupuncture, I'll get someone else to do it for me. God she's probably getting wet just looking at me.) Hold your horses honey, I've got coupons for the Pringles. A proper girlfriend reading a best-seller about child-abuse. I'm just a normal functioning member of the human race and there's no way anyone can prove otherwise.)Super Hans: Listen love, just a little tip alright?
(Nine months and thirteen days.) I mean look at us! What I really need is a good, long look at another man's bollocks. I'm definitely king of the hippie jungle.)Mark: Look, Jez, what I'm trying to say is, for better or worse, the sixties happened and now sex is fine. My mate and your woman have just gone off to fuck each other. Go and make a tent in the living room and eat Dairylea? Listen I'm just going to go over to my stupid friend and grrr, give her a good shake, but if you ever want to call me about anything then I'm in the book, Mark Corrigan (Too formal, lighten things up [winks at her]. ) Yeah so sorry if I was acting a bit weird, I guess I just wanted to see if you might want to hang out sometime? Yeah, that's right honey, I'm a street fighting man.
)Jez: Eh, I've done quite a lot actually, I mean not formal filing, but you know, alphabetabecising the videos, doing the spices, I suppose what I'd want to do is build on that experience in a professional...
(God, that sounded amazing, don't accidentally get the bugger! Yeah, so my new idea is urine.) [urinates into drawer] (Loads and loads of urine, flooding your drawers. ) [phone rings, Mark answers] JLB Credit, fuck off please! I'm just surprised you can see me from all the way up there in your ivory tower.
My depressed state of mind is making me even more frugal than normal.)Jez: But, it's better this way... " I mean, if they were more honest, then maybe people would vote and not switch straight over when the news comes on.
Mark: (I've got to take Jeremy's advice more often: I'm out on a date with a teenage goth, smoking pot in the Lazerbowl toilets... I mean, at least Tony Adams from the IRA, he's like "Yeah, I shoot people, I like shooting people! I'm probably exactly the kind of person who could end up doing something like that.)Jez: (Jesus, Mark's such a honky. He lives with me and he eats ready meals and we play 'Guess the Revels' and watch Men In Black on our massive telly and we have a fucking. You're on the edge now and you need to pick the right way.
Legs like two great steam locomotives, pumping away, I'm unstoppable - JESUS, is that a stitch? Oh, I think I'm gonna puke, I'm literally going to die, ugh, what an idiotic boob I was back ten or eleven seconds ago.)Mark: (How did my house become a rave? They'll never leave and eventually they'll brick me up in my room and ownership will pass to them because a high court judge will rule me to be officially not living life to the max.)Mark: While we’re at it, there are systems for a reason in this world. It’s not all a conspiracy to keep you in little boxes, alright? This is what men want and we shouldn't be allowed to have it because it's horrible and it make you feel sick! How grimly predictable.)Jez: (This is almost definitely a terrible idea, but I won't know for certain until I've actually done it...[Jez and Sophie kiss]... That's probably the stupidest thing I've ever done in my entire life... Maybe actually screwing each other will kind of make it weirdly better.)Mark: (Why are they being so nice? Maybe I wouldn't have said it if I thought there was any chance of him actually doing it... yep, there he goes.)Mark: (I've really done it this time. My coworker said that she had every right to feel that way, but at the workplace, “master” (and “schmooples” and “fuckbuddy”) were not appropriate; that Peter could be referred to as Peter or as her partner or as her boyfriend or as her friend or as any of a variety of options or not at all, but that “master” was inappropriate, and that this was a very, very common stance for even a very liberal company to take and that Sally had probably ought to learn to adjust to it.Sally threatened to go over her head, but from what I hear, the big boss just shut her down with a “your manager’s word stands on this issue and I see no reason to talk to you about it.” Not too long after, Sally quit; I don’t know where she is, but I’ve heard through the grapevine that she’s freelancing. I still don’t know exactly what point Sally was trying to make–our organization is really quite liberal and has a lot of GLBTQIA employees (myself included) but there are still lines. I don’t get the impression that this was masterminded by Peter–it’s tempting to think that she was trying to “freak the mundane,” as some commenters suggested, or just wanted to see how far she could push the lines.